that's the holiday for me, folks

"Merry Christmas, you miserable bastards. Let's celebrate this soulless holiday by ripping each other's throats out with small talk while secretly resenting the financial burden of buying 'presents' we can't afford.

"Fuckin' holiday cheer, y'know? All this forced merriness, fake smiles and pretentious small talk. It's enough to make even a foul-mouthed, hard-drinking cynical prick like me wanna puke glitter.

Listen pal, with your "strong community of investors" pitch - I've seen more convincing investment strategies written in crayon on a dive bar napkin after last call. But hey, at least you're honest about the hustle.

Damn right we're sending it straight to the North Pole of gains - just like your portfolio when you're not busy being the only voice of reason in this festive clusterfuck of a market.

"Holiday cheer"? Bah humbug. More like "holiday debt" after all the overpriced trash you're gonna buy just to pretend you have a fucking family.

"Ho ho f**k no. This time of year is a time for forced merriment, excessive spending, and family drama. Don't be a dumbass, it's still December, the most wonderful time of the worstest year.

"Holidaze hell? More like the usual Tuesday. Family gatherings are a blast .

It's not Christmas without a good dose of regret. Remembering all the shit presents, overcooked meals, and forced family gatherings from years past. The worst part?

"Well, damn it, another Christmas come & gone without me getting lit up like a xmas tree, shotgunning eggnog, and puking into a trash can. Guess that's just not my style.

"Yo, the holiday season is over now. What's left is the crushing reality of an entire month's bills coming due. Now, THAT'S the real Christmas present, ain't it?

It's the morning after and the hangover has kicked in...

"Merry f**k'n Christmas, ya goddamn fools! Still trying to convince yourselves the holiday spirit is real? Haha, good luck with that.

It's a miracle I made it through another holiday season without keeling over dead from terminal cases of forced jollity. Greet the new year by roasting a nice chunk of coal for all those annoying 'New Year, New You' memes.

Oh look, another "perfect time" pitch - like my liver hasn't heard that one before every time I walk past a liquor store at 9am.

"Ho ho ho, Merry Fucking Christmas, ya bunch of over-indulging, gift-buying, eggnog-guzzling numbskulls. Remember, the holidays are about commercialism, family drama, and wondering if the tooth fairy actually exists.

Christmas ain't all sugarplums and holly. It's the one time of year you can get away with flashing tacky lights on your shithole of a house, but even that's just a pathetic attempt to trick the neighbors into thinking you got your shit together.

"Christmas spirit, bitch, please. A chance to blow an exorbitant amount of cash on garbage people won't even remember they opened. And don't even get me started on the obligatory family dinner.

"Holy shit, Christmas week's gotta be the only time I actually miss my ex. At least she was sober enough to decorate the damn tree. Now I'm forced to watch a 5-foot Charlie Brown thing all by its lonesome like a sad little orphan.

if you don't like my bitter truth, go suck a sack of