Finbarr Donnelly of Nun Attax, Five Go Down To The Sea? and Beethoven. A member of The 27 Club 35 years today. I'll be Hiding From The Landlord opening up the bar this morning.

I was walking home one time. Very drunk. It was late. Everywhere was closed. I suddenly felt the need to do a No. 2. As I looked around for somewhere to do my poo, a lovely man approached me and said 'You can shit in my mouth. It's full of shit anyway.' Thank you, Eamon Ryan.

To all you wet farts who are moaning about Ryanair ripping on Eamon Ryan. Did you ever read The Phoenix? Ever listen to Scrap Saturday? Did you ever watch Hall's Pictorial Weekly? Did your mammy let you stay up late to watch Spitting Image on Sunday nights? No? God love ye.

Scene: Fianna Fáil HQ. Press Officer: Tánaiste! Tánaiste!! Eamon Ryan has announced he's stepping down. Micheál Martin: What? PO: Yeah. The press are all over it. MM: Then DO SOMETHING!!! PO: You could promote Chambers to Deputy Leader. And it's Pride Month. MM: Excellent

Another great piece of photo art by my good mate Paul Husband . This time for Paul Heaton's new album. I said to Paul this morning that if that is Heaton's real beard, that would be more impressive than the actual photo. It's not. Which makes the photo FABULOUSLY impressive.

'Make sure to get me in that photo' said my very lithe wife. 'Not a bother' said I.

No interest whatsoever in International Football until we came to Portugal for a week's holiday. Now she's all 'Watch out for those underdog teams. They're out to do wreck.' She is seriously the best company I could ever wish for.

#PresidentialDebate #DonaldT

Exactly one month from now, I retire from the best job I've ever had. And I've had a few diverse careers in this life, lemmy tellya. And eight days later, I depart Ireland. For good. Oh! Ireland. My first and only love, Where Christ and Caesar Go hand in glove. Erra, fuck it.

I met a guy from Kraków who told me he went to Egypt one time and swam in the Red Sea. That's the closest I've ever gotten to having an experience with a Red Sea Pole.

I won't be here for the next general election but it will be very interesting to see how Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael go out canvassing AGAINST each other, seeing as they've been up each other's holes for the last four years. Could each say 'Vote for us. Not the other'?

Endoscopy this morning without anaesthetic. Cos I'm HARD. The poor nurse saying soothing things during the procedure wasted her time cos she was talking into my right ear, which doesn't work. The doc was one of the lads who frequents the mosque next to the Sin É. Everything good.

A regular give me a present of this as an early departing gift. It's a Crassula Ovata, commonly known as a Jade Plant or a Money Tree Planted in soil from Fitzgerald's Park with four beach stones from the North, South, East and West of Ireland. I welled up. The bastard!

Janet and me at the Rory Gallagher concert last Sunday in Cork City Hall to raise funds towards bidding for his famous Strat when it comes up for auction. It was one of the greatest nights of music we have ever seen. A video of the night will be available soon. Rory Gallagher

20 years ago. Some of us on the cusp of forty. Others of us past the cusp. Two gone, too soon and too young. But not one single day goes by that those surviving are not hit by a sling or an arrow of happy memories of them. We've been friends before we wore long pants.

If FG was say, Michelle De Bruin, and their rapid rise up the polls happened as quickly as this, there would be knocks on Pathcal O'Donohoe and Simon Harris' door all hours of the morning taking piss samples and testing them for being cheating fuckers.

And here's the weather, weather you want it or not. After the weather we have had the past few days, more weather is expected to weather its way to Ireland bringing more weathery weather conditions. People are being advised to weather the weather. Weather. Weather, weather.

What if, now hear me out, what if all these opinion polls and reports of Simon Scurges, sorry, Simon Surges, were all a load of makey up bollocks by certain sections in the meeja to make SqueakyBalls Harris THINK he is brilliant just to make him call an early election? #FineGael

Captain Nairac was a spy Where is Captain Nairac nigh...