✨ dance like no one is watching, post like you're gonna end up reading your own tweets in a deposition. ✨

cool house but I'd be busting my ass on that water feature

this goes so fucking hard

Let the record show that if you swallow a 6-foot-long exterior cladding panel, you only need to seek medical attention if you feel unwell.

Furthest: 🚗: Bozeman, MT to Concord, NH 🚌: Harrisburg, PA to Bozeman, MT 🚆: Shelby, MT to Seattle, WA 🛫: BZN to ADD via DXB

soul nate Biden: You can't drop a 2000-lb bomb on the Grinch in a populated area, you'd have civilian casualties! Trump: See?!? He's soft on the Grinch! I'd blow the whole place to smithereens! [Feed cuts to Miss Cindy Lou Who being obliterated by a US-made precision guided missile]

Finally somebody to help me with my artisanal butter churner

You know you did something right when she breaks out the BIG pepper grinder

Goddamit I SPECIFICALLY asked Housekeeping not to do the towel animal thing

i gained self confidence in the funniest way possible which is that i realized low self esteem makes you annoying and unsexy and i would rather die than be annoying and unsexy so i got higher self esteem

A deadly force is trying to turn me against everything I hold dear. Not today, God!

I learn a new batshit fact every time I visit Idaho National Laboratory. Did you know that they operated experimental nuclear reactors and waste disposal facilities on a former bombing range for 40 years before performing a rigorous UXO cleanup?

@Shitty_Edits_Archives

in 10 years, a lot of people are going to lie to your face about how they were always against this

Satan 💀💀💀

For months I've been blocking every ad I see on here and it's finally paying off!

Shout-out to all who tried out the new BMX track, especially the bros who brought the complimentary cruiser bikes from the hotel 🤣