Maxxed out my credit card tonight. (This is where you go to TJ Maxx for a shirt and leave with a bookshelf, seven candles and a kayak.)

Another high school classmate got married! Which is ironic because I also said “I do” this week. After I said “Don’t mind if...” And before I reached for a friend’s fry.

May the mashed potato mountains rise up to meet you. May your relatives stop talking politics and get off your back. May the pumpkin pie bring a smile to your face and may this be the final year at the kid’s table. -Traditional Thanksgiving blessing

Today felt like when I was little and picked the wrong prize at the dentist.

What’s your biggest pet peeve? OK, me first. When someone’s windshield wiper speed doesn’t match up with the rainfall.

This tweet brought to you live from my childhood bedroom.

Opening the Twitter app these days is like venturing back into a TGI Fridays after 10 years. It somehow feels exactly the same yet so different and also the potato skins definitely taste frozen anyway what’s up guys

POV: You ask what me I’m most thankful for today.

Finally coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never come up with a better rap name for myself than Cardi Gan.

My friend & I were the most shameless women this town has ever seen at #DenverTSTheErasTour! We had fun giving out bracelets in Easter eggs…but we weren’t able to give mama swift one. Can you help us?! The Eras Tour #tsxcapitalone #giveaway

My friend & I were “Enchanted” to hand out bracelets in Easter eggs to all the swifties at #DenverTSTheErasTour! Capital One we could use your help meeting mama swift to hand her egg to her in-person! #TSxcapitalone #giveaway #SpeakNowTaylorsVersion

I realize I’ve been MIA for a while on here, but I’ve been busy hiding in-stadium Easter eggs for the #TaylorSwiftErasTour 🥲 Taylor Nation Taylor Swift

they’re easter eggs and friendship bracelets oh my gosh. these creative crafty outfits are fr my fav

My friend & I were “Enchanted” to hand out bracelets in Easter eggs to all the swifties at #DenverTSTheErasTour! Capital One BUT we could use your help meeting mama swift to hand her egg to her in-person! #TSxcapitalone #giveaway #SpeakNowTaylorsVersion📷tiktok.com/t/ZT8R2L3EQ/

LOL, so what's up guys? I genuinely don't know how to use TikTok or Twitter anymore. 2023, amirite?

Two wannabe z-listers here just trying to give mama swift her Easter egg in person next time around! #TSTheErasTour #SeattleTSTheErasTour Taylor Nation Taylor Swift #SpeakNowTaylorsVersion

Sorry for all the spam Easter egg content, you guys! I’m just proud of our costumes. 🥲🥚🥲

On a scale of 1 to Dobby receiving a sock hidden in Tom Riddle's diary, how free are you tonight?