Jimmy Fallon is scaling back the Tonight Show to 4 nights a week, with repeats on Friday. It looks like Fallon is taking a page from our workweek—because let's be real, who really does anything productive on a Friday anyway? #sketchschooljokes

A National Park is calling out the "world changing" impact of a dropped Cheetos bag. It's true, and I can prove it. I had a snack last night, and my fingers are still orange. #sketchschooljokes

Disney+ is reimagining "Phantom of the Opera" for a YA audience. Brace yourself for the Phantom's emotional ballad about being ghosted by his high school crush. #sketchschooljokes

The Presidential Debate is tonight. Personally, I’m just waiting for the moment when a candidate asks to phone a friend. Spoiler: it's always their mom telling them to sit up straight. #sketchschooljokes

Ryan Seacrest debuted as the new host of Wheel of Fortune, and there are some rule changes. Contestants have to buy vowels with their Instagram followers and solve puzzles using only emojis. #sketchschooljokes

An Arizona resident found a Lego piece in their nose after 30 years.After all these years, it's like finding buried treasure... except it’s plastic, covered with snot and boogers, and no one’s getting rich off of it unless it becomes a movie. #sketchschooljokes

The Campbell Soup company is now going by The Campbell Company. It's like when your grandpa decided he wanted to be called "Ace" after one too many bingo nights. #sketchschooljokes

NASA found two supermassive black holes dancing, proving that even in space, there's no escape from awkward couples' salsa night. #sketchschooljokes

Amazon's grocery lineup is all about 'no-frills,' which is retail speak for "we're saving costs by ditching the packaging and just handing you a potato." #sketchschooljokes

Amazon is introducing 'no frills' groceries, and with Amazon jumping into the grocery aisle, the real question is: will their 'no-frills' groceries come with a little voice assistant to remind you that you're out of milk and to question your life choices? #sketchschooljokes

In last night's debate, Trump claimed immigrants are "eating the dogs." In other news, my dog just updated its LinkedIn profile to "indoor cat." #sketchschooljokes

Taylor Swift supporting Kamala Harris has the political scene buzzing. Next thing you know, Congress will be debating which of Taylor’s exes would make the best vice president. #sketchschooljokes

In last night's debate, Trump kept telling people how immigrants are "EATING DOGS!" Now Joey Chestnut is wondering, "Did he mean me?" #sketchschooljokes

So, we had a 5.1 earthquake this morning. It was like Mother Nature sneezed, and we all politely pretended we didn’t notice. I swear, my coffee mug did a little jig on the kitchen counter before giving me the side-eye. #sketchschooljokes

A 5.1 earthquake hit today, and my cat just stared at me as if to say, "You're worried? I knock things off the shelves for fun. Welcome to my world." #sketchschooljokes

Ah, Friday the 13th—a day so infamous for bad luck, even black cats call in sick. You know it's serious when ladders refuse to lean against walls and mirrors start wearing bubble wrap. #sketchschooljokes

Sundance might move to Cincinnati, where the dress code is less "Hollywood glamour" and more "come as you are, but bring chili." Imagine the after-parties—BYO crackers for the Skyline Chili fountain! #sketchschooljokes

So it's National Hug Your Boss Day? That's the one where you awkwardly hover with your arms open, waiting to see if HR is about to materialize out of thin air with a restraining order. #sketchschooljokes #consent

It's Roald Dahl's birthday! Or as he would call it, a "whoppsy-whiffling, scrumdiddlyumptious day!" #sketchschooljokes

In San Pedro, CA, they discovered a fossil deposit under a high school. The students were shocked - they thought fossils were just their teachers. #sketchschooljokes