Been married to the man of my dreams for one year, but together for 11. #itsonlygettingbetter #truelove #lover

Asked my husband to make baked potatoes. Simple instructions. He peeled them, then baked them..... 😒#wifeproblems

*Husband coughs* Me: Are you dying? Husband continues to cough. Me: We have life insurance right?

When your co-worker makes AMAZING caramel apples with the Caramel Apple Crush bar.. 😍🍫🍏… instagram.com/p/BLjyR1XBB5B/

Maybe Donald Trump loves BDSM and just wants to talk about it. #stillnotvotingforHillary

Tips for dudes. On a 1st date..don't pick me up in a van. Don't pick me up in a van. Don't pick me up in a van. No. #firstdatetips

Binge watching weeds and wondering why I work a real job instead of being a drug dealer. Oh yeah. Jail. That's why. #weeds #freedom

I'm only on twitter so I can see where the shootings were near my house.

Omg Kevin Hart. Slowly dying while trying to drink with the boy. 21 is more interesting with you. #kevinhart #toofunny

Am I the only one who doesn't care about Pumkin Spice flavored shit? #PSL #nofucksgiven #WhoCares 😒

Anyone looking for a female country singer or want to start a country/rock band? I'm DYING to be back on stage! #Singer #country

A fuckin good time never hurt nobody 🍹#Unforgettable

I feel like 90% of hot guys with beards would be ugly guys without beards. 🤷🏼‍♀️ #sorrynotsorry Beard Club

Hus & I talking about raising kids in CA: Me: I hope they're into surfing, skateboarding & crossfit. H: *coughing* plz don't say crossfit

My cat tries to play with my husband while he pees. Apparently balls are attractive to them at any state. 🙄

I feel like Hey Hey most of the time 😒 …