Apparently “what’s up bitchachos” is not an acceptable way to enter a work teams meeting

A guy called me old fashioned, to which I replied “you sir are a blunderbuss chatterbox; a chicken hearted, mop stick. A duke of limbs. A foppish fussbudgety gadabout. A ginger-snap grumbletonian. A nincompoopy scallywag stingbum.” And he will have to live with that abashment.

I’m sick of the govt putting lead and fluoride in the water… gimme drugs!

if any of y'all know a decent wild bear please feel free to slip him my digits

post a picture of you with long hair. no context

i'm sorry that having to come into work three days a week has discombobulated your masturbation schedule

That's the Greek goddess Pussalia

Why do we choose the bear? Because we were taught it’s better to die fighting than to allow a man to get us to whatever location he had in mind to enact his sick fantasies. We choose the bear because you taught us to fear death less than what you would do to us.

my sister is always waving her fancy meth lab education in my face

i see the silly everywhere

Being Asian is weird…

the way i eat them i'm bound to choke to death on gummy bears so to maintain my street cred please just tell people i was killed by bears

post a selfie from your gallery and turn it 🖤 and 🤍

The way a woman knows within 5 mins whether a man has made a woman orgasm…

(𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘵: 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵. 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘺𝘵𝘩.)

I won't die without coffee, but you may