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Viola, I think you dislocated my vagina.

I like mangos. 🍊

Wouldn't it be great if your vagina was detachable?

Person: Wanda! I name my dog after you! Wanda: That's not cool. I don't wanna here. Wanda shit on the carpet again.

Smart person: Did you know there used to be water on mars? Wanda: Did you know there used to be vodka in this glass?

Yea there probably was life on mars but then they starved to death because they spent all their money on a space program.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique. #TheTruth

Mostly everything gets worse before it gets better.

All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again. #NotWhatItsCrackedUpToBe

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

I hope you all had a happy holidays.

New year. New goals. New style. New life.

Be proud of who you are. Don't let anyone change that.

You have choices in life. Whether it is easy or hard. Make sure you stick with it.

I feel today's society is so judgmental.

Become the person you want to be. As long as you apply yourself. Nothing's stopping you.

You do the best you can do to make a change but your best is all you can do. So go out there and do your best to make the world better.