My kids have hit the phase where they start “roasting” one another and OMG, how am I supposed to be the kind, responsible adult when they’re telling one another all the things I’ve been thinking for YEARS?! #Siblings #siblinggoals #momlife

You know how real estate teams bring in a bunch of people to prepare a listing for sale—finish household projects, stage it, and clean it immaculately? I need that, but then I want to keep living here. Is that a thing? Can we make that a thing?

There should really be a way to save some of the 5,000,000 things your kids want to tell you in their first ten years and spread them out over the following ten years.

Took all the kids to the doctor for check-ups, so I guess I can check off my cardio for the week. #toomanykids #momlife

Is it just me or do most of these reels look like when students have to make a video project and they’re super impressed with themselves and the special effects they used, but the videos are actually terrible?

As we celebrate a holiday of spookiness and fright, allow me to remind you: There is absolutely nothing scarier than a parent, who knows what you’ve done, leaning in to whisper, “Just wait ‘til we get home…” #halloween2021 #halloween #halloweenmemes #parenting

If your kids don’t spend the next few days wheeling and dealing candy like the shadiest used car salesmen on TV, are they even siblings?

Once upon a time I had this sweet tiny baby boy who thought I was the whole world and then I blinked and I have a kid that says things like, "Bring it bruh" when I ask him if he wants to get Chinese food for dinner.

Well, I think that’s enough family time for this weekend…

Consider this your definitive Before-Thanksgiving-Guide: order pizza for dinner tonight. #momlife #Thanksgiving

Is anyone else a little concerned that 2022 is pronounced, “2020, too”?

March is going to be our month! After all, when there’s a really lousy movie (March 2020), followed by an even lousier sequel (March 2021), the third movie in the series is ALWAYS a winner, right? That’s totally a thing that happens…

I don’t know who decided we were going to do cold winter weather with spring allergies this year, but I’m not into it. #allergies #springtime

Spent the morning listening to my toddler yell “BITCH!” at the top of his lungs at the doctor’s office. He actually meant “fish,” but I’m not sure that really matters…

It’s almost May and I wore a sweater today. Is there a manager I can speak to about this?

A nest of baby robins are chirp-chirp-chirping away nonstop under our deck. The mom flew out and is now perched all the way across the yard, supervising them from a quiet, more tolerable distance. I don't think I've ever related to an animal more. #momlife #toomanykids

Today, I noticed the couch cushion was damp and asked, “Why is this wet?” Without a moment’s hesitation, my son responded matter-of-factly, “It’s either water or pee.” And if that doesn’t perfectly sum up my current living situation, I don’t know what does. #boymom #raisingboys

Back-to-school has clearly caught up with all my children and they’re acting like demon-possessed chihuahuas. Help. #BackToSchool #parentingproblems #momlife

I just need to know that dinner is an absolute goat show in other people’s houses too. Like, forget date night—I’m ready to use any and all available funds for a babysitter to take my place at “family” dinner.

Just overheard the oldest tell his brother: “If you don’t tell on me, I’ll pay you a dollar.” So yeah, we’re really nailing this parenting gig. #siblinglove #brothers #trainwreck