Tires are shoes for a car

If every time the pope farted, dump truck's worth of gum drops fell from the sky, I'd be okay with that.

Let's all just get on a bus that drives into a volcano made of explosive marshmallows

All potatoes, please raise their hands.

Global hand-holding orgy. The entire world has an orgy but it's just holding hands.

I can't remember which podcast I was listening to — @SamHarrisOrg + Paul Bloom? — but my favorite point made was that journalists with no entrepreneurial experience underestimate the extent to which all *functional* companies are basically rolling internal clusterfucks

Controversial opinion: Thinking is important.

Enlightenment Now is such a truly brilliant book, elegantly written, sparkling with wit, driving nails hard home on every page, I can only conclude that the few carping, mean-spirited negative reviewers are jealous.

I’m a fan of the nipple scarf.

The dangerous thing about euphemisms, if you’re not careful, is that you end up being dishonest with yourself about your problems. And the first thing about solving a problem is to acknowledge the truth of what the problem actually is

Everybody loves a dancing monkey. Everyone.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Nobody will top this

I don't know if you can really understand the world if you don't understand that, in some sense, young women fundamentally own it — but have absolutely no idea that they do

Imagine not hating women

(Her age - 10) / 5 That's the acceptable number of sexual partners for a woman to have had. Any more and she's an unmarriable harlot.

Saw a down-and-out in Seattle last night. His sign said not "I need food" or "I need a job" but "I need a fat bitch". What could this mean?