Airport security: “We need to scan all bags to check for bombs.” Inside the terminal: Unattended bags? OMG! UXO!! 🙄 #airports

the good thing about amnesia is that you forget that you have it.

Hey Betterment, what's up with your website? Also, what's up with your #customersupport? Sent an email last week to [email protected]. Didn't even get an auto reply. 💔 #disappointed

No one tells you about this annoying side effect of the #vaccine: a tendency to turn on the sore arm while asleep, then waking up in agony.

Everyone: “Save energy, save Earth” Sundar Pichai: “Let’s make sustainable choices.” Google Maps & Google Travel: “Done!” Google Nest: “Deal!” YouTube: “Let’s waste immeasurable energy by forcing billions of mobile displays to stay ON for non-Premium viewers.” 🙄

spotted a low flying #zeppelin over the peninsula just off the San Mateo-Hayward bridge. no markings either. #sfbay

Breaking! Manus joins Meta manus.im/blog/manus-joi…

someone vibe coded a tesla

I've never felt more insulted at my workplace than when the motion activated lights switched off while i was still inside one of the stalls.

Lai: Can I leave? Frank: Be my guest. me: Wait. Does he want her to leave or stay? #TheTransporter

'Maybe' is a polite way to say 'No'. But only for RSVPs. Don't use it when your wife/girlfriend asks if you think she looks fat. #LPT

before you decide on getting married, merely dating is just not gonna cut it. keep a cat! and before you plan for kids, keep a dog. #LPT

who'd have thought stopping ads could result in exponential increase in publicity? #Keurig #winning

this year i gave up hope #lent

using postcards to verify US addresses only means verification-code-for-money ads on Craigslist. but hey, good for U.S. Postal Service... ...and Facebook #fail

Business idea: A line of wooden dildos marketed as "organic" and named ... Woodpecker™