I’m currently in the “messy wall art gallery” stage of becoming a real New Yorker.

I don’t care what your background is, if you’ve been living in New York for over 10 years you are automatically Jewish. That’s a new rule so just accept it. Mazel Tov, I’ll see you at Zabar’s!

Homeless people in New York might not have anything to eat but they always have a fully charged portable speaker. Beats over bread is the true New York folklore.

Googling the fastest way to drive the country to despair can be distracting but boys will be boys. #Afghanistan

Louis C.K. better give a career opportunity to every female and trans comic that crosses his path for the rest of his life. I don't care if it's a political move or a genuine gesture, just help them out! Congrats to @jayemcbride for the MSG performance debut! Deserving! 💕

🚨Thanks to TheIndustryRoom.com and @broadway_comedy_club I will have my first club residency this September and October. Very grateful for the opportunity and looking forward to entertaining you! 🙌❤️

Just once I wish it was actually usable. 🤣 Artwork: The Irritating Gentleman, by German painter Berthold Woltze (1874). In private collection.

I still haven’t met a person that can unproblematically digest brussel sprouts.

You can work hard, be kind and mind your own business and there will still be those who want to make their insecurities your problem.

Netflix needs to create a show where Simon Leviev (Tinder Swindler) and Anna (Delvey) Sorokin (Inventing Anna) are trying to scam each other. My money is on Anna.

I got so much love from South Asian audience last night that in order to give back to the community I will be collecting spices and shipping them back to India.

Male comic: If we end up in WW3 I'll be the first one to go. I'm ready. Me: Dude, you were not even ready to go first at this open mic. 🤣

Apparently, to be a successful comedian you need to have punchlines, AND be able to take a punch! #Oscars 🤯

So guys, how soon ‘till Chris Rock sits at the red table?

Let’s just give Leo all the #Oscars

Since SCOTUS is going to overturn #RoeVWade I think this one from George Carlin is appropriate. “They’re anti-women”

America is big on trends. Fashion: 90’s Economy: 70’s Women’s reproductive rights: 50’s #RoeVsWade

Thanksgiving Thursday - I’m so grateful for everything I have. Black Friday - Uhm yeah, I still need more. #Thanksgiving #BlackFriday #merica

Kanye proved to us what we all wanted to know about Hitler - you don’t have to be a bad artist to be antisemitic.

The worst thing about weed is the amount of podcasts it generates. #POTcast