Breaking an unintended Twitter embargo to remind you that Camera Obscura were a fucking brilliant band. #cameraobscura

Today I’ve been to my first meeting as a trade union rep then rushed home for kids from school. Then did some decorating whilst said kids ignored me. I’m now having a well earned beer in the sun. What’s stopping you being this alpha?

From naewhere I’ve got a sair hip the day. #crumbling #oldasfuck

See, this is what happens when you don’t have any Scottish people on your social media team

Just allowed my OH to cut my toenails. The self sacrifice knows no bounds

The fuck is this shite someone is trying to foist upon me? And since when did Gino Dacampo ‘unearth’ anything apart from a terrible plan to rob Paul Young?

Colin from Accounts renewed? 🙏🙏🙏

What a day for Campie Primary sports at Fisherrow Links!

I wish I had half the commitment to stuff as over 60 year olds drivers have to second gear.

Just back from a long twitter/X hiatus to tell all you losers - I have today cut the grass. I am dialled in, 💯 % focused and ready to get it done. Eat that Monty Don. Yeah baby!!! Woo. #gardening #heavyhitting #gains #lawncare

Just saw two drake mallards kicking FUCK out of each other with a female nearby - disinterested. Whilst the fracas continued another male arrived and waddled off with the girl. Moral? Be a lover not a fighter.

Is there a more mysterious, rewarding yet frustrating fruit purchase than a bag or Mandarines/Satsumas/Oranges? First you get an absolute beauty, sweet, succulent and mouth watering. So you have another and it’s a dry, sour, foul husk. Hamza useless must resign. #SNP

Anyone remember this paper? Just spied it sitting on top of neighbours recycling. From July 1983. Bit tardy if you ask me…

Suns oot. Kids are leaving me alone. Oot the back with some cold ones. Power tool next door springs into life of course. Jet washing his conservatory. Sakes. I’ve got the perfect tool for that monstrosity right here in my shed James - a mash hammer.

No one : Germany in 1936:

Sounds EXACTLY like Will Briefcase Wanker from the inbetweeners. But much much more of a cunt, if that’s even possible .