@EvanxBTL only if they say "Merry Christmas" first.

The world's shortest horror story is only two sentences long: "The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door."

Rolling Stones>Beatles

I love shitting.

No politics. Not now, not ever.

I think I'm still hungover from last friday night.

FUCK THE POLAR VORTEX!!!!

Fuck Warhound!

I just birthed a turd that was thicker than Rosie O'Donnell's neck. I think I need asshole reconstruction surgery now.

Nothing puts your life in perspective more than shitting your pants when your 28 years old.

Mother Mary Fatshit is having gallbladder surgery. Better have everyone on your family tree come with her to the hospital. I hate people.

#DumbassDiann made an appearance at work today by calling us 500 times for something totally irrelevant. I wish she'd fall off a bridge.

I'm just gonna put this out there. I wish Bam Margera would have died instead of Ryan Dunn. #notsorry

@KVisazia fuck you

Nice studded belt, buddy. What is this? 2004?

Is it me or does Kenny Chesney's hats always look too big for his little weird midget fucking head?

Ate too much sriracha on my fajita last night. Now my asshole looks/feels like it sings for the Rolling Stones.

I'm real sick of hearing and seeing Stone Cold Steve Austin bullshit today. Go to church or something, cocksuckers!

Autopsy shows that HR Giger died of embarrassment after he realized that Rick Ta Life was covered in his artwork.