Imagine carbonated mouthwash

Listening all the way through American Idiot while working on a new investment deck. So much middle-school angst. #ThrowbackThursday

Whenever I see a #, I read "hashtag" in my head.

#cake = pound cake.

I can't be the only one who tries to go as long as possible without talking after I wake up.

Thanks Obama.... No seriously, thank you. #FreedomAct

Breaking News: The new Apple OSX will be called OSX Cloaca because the updated MacBook only has one hole.

I are A LOT of Tums and now my stomach hurts... What do I do?

In a week and a half I've eaten 3lbs of almonds. #FeelingNutty

And just like that, I am a senior...

PSA to all businesses: Stop using cursive in your logos. No one born in the 90's and on can read it.

"Ever since I got into my major I don't really give a s*** about class." -some dope bro on campus

I don't understand why someone would wear a medical/health mask but not cover their nose...

I am 99% sure I just saw Ken Jennings walking down 20th Ave...

It's February, 57 degrees, and you are pasty white. Put that shirt back on.

If you yell at students for being wrong, you can't complain about no one wanting to answer your questions... Looking at you UW Econ dept...

It's incredible to me, after all this time, Apple maps is still useless.

Power outage before finals week. What a twist.

What sane person would "hit the club" with jeans and furry boots on?