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The ball’s been in her court for a couple years now

I think those 3 bottles of wine went bad I don’t feel so well

You guys eat your chipotle left to right or right to left?

Giving up small titty goth girls for lent… just kidding can you imagine?

Left class 7 minutes ago. They’re probably all talking about how I’m definitely pooping rn.

Dibs on being the most scared and paranoid tonight

Pulled into her house with the drum solo from Phil Collins’ in the air tonight playing (She knows I mean business)

Thinking about texting her a meme to break the ice

If I’m drinking and I can see my reflection you’re have 0% of my attention

This pee has been going so long I’m worried people thing it’s a quick poop

I wish Upside Down by Jack Johnson was 30 minutes long

When I get Tradle on the first guess

Telling the hotel valet to keep it running and then going to bed for the night

Got kicked out of the bar for calling too many girls “your grace” and kissing all their rings

Pull up to my place we’re all wearing backwards hats

Oh great, Trump just said if he wins he’s going to make eye contact missionary a felony

Just nudged my grandpa in words with friends. Sit down in front of your iPad and take your beating like a man Grampie

It’s hard to hate from outside the club when you can’t even get in…