Sure there are plenty of fish in the sea but most of them look like this

You know when you almost bump into someone walking toward you and you take turns being like “oop no after you” “no please you first”….i just did that with a mouse on the sidewalk

Why is half of the Venice Film Festival applause?

Is there a kind of dyslexia where you mix up the Italian and Mexican flags because I have that

The man sitting in front of me at the movies was not only on his phone the whole time but was literally receiving ass pics

They should add a section to presidential debates where people call in for dating advice

I ordered groceries once and I knew my shopper was a man because the avocados were bright green and hard as rocks

Term limits for showrunners

When I have access to cable you’ll find me fucking guffawing at The King of Queens

When the Trader Joe’s worker tells me which checkout counter to go to it feels like they’re sending me off to college

I can play a woman in a small town who has a big secret revealed like nobody’s business

The end of summer isn’t marked by the date or the weather, it’s when I stop shaving my legs

Y’all don’t take your vote for granted.

Seeing a pro-Trump insta story posted by someone you follow is like finding a hair in your food…now how did you get in there?

A podcast can be pre-recorded remotely and SNL is famously filmed live in NY - hope this helps!

Got an X-ray of my shoulder and this note hurt my feelings

Everyone’s sharing optimistic pep talks from their dads regarding the Trump victory…my dad exclamation point reacted to my sad face

Straight men hock so many loogies cuz even they can’t stand the bitter taste of their own lies

Not me reading this in one of those cars and scrolling past quickly so I don’t hurt it’s feelings

HCU - Historical Cinematic Universe