lull me to sleep with a sea shanty

it’s been six years. Where the fuck is moana 2

and on the 8th day, god made me only attracted to blondes. and what a shame that was.

\o7 | / \ exasperated major grease

do u think if I ignore this parking ticket long enough my fairy godmother will pay it

at this point i feel like living in a house in burlington where lead paint is peeling off the walls is enough birth control for me.

329 is like that casino in Percy Jackson. time flies. can’t leave. what day is it?

just got ready for bed using only moonlight, feeling like a humble villager who has run out of lamp oil and candles

is my inorganic chemistry textbook bringing me to tears or is something else going on?

life is like a box of chocolates except every flavor is a NEW FUCKING 70 DOLLAR PARKING TICKET HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

Sign my petition for men to stop being certified brickers!!! One more signature and i’ll be gay!

your mom is my alibi

When 2 groups of penguins meet on the road, they stop for a short exchange of information. When one of them moves in with the wrong group, a friend goes after him to bring him back🙂🐧🐧🐧

woke up this morning and made the minecraft villager sound. hrrrmm.

one time i got vertigo from a stripper pole. anyone else?

INS: -chicken pot pie -getting a minimum of 4 ppl to pee in the toilet before you flush -crackle nail polish OUTS: -scrub daddy (scrub mommy is in) -not tucking ur homies into bed at night -unsalted almonds (seriously get a fucking life if u eat these)

Coming on this app to confess: I have recently fallen into a one sock then shoe, other sock then other shoe lifestyle. reaching out for help is the first step. there is strength in admitting your weaknesses.

out: pulling my clothes into your litter box. newt if you’re reading this please i am begging you I have lost three tank tops this week

Quinn I’m my own grandpa