The Australian bear man just said to lob a nuke at God

Concept: A cooking show hosted by both of us where I do all of the cooking and stuff and you have to desperately try to stop me from saying something that would get us kicked off the air

The biggest thing stopping the trans rights movements are vacuum companies

My name is Jeremy Avocado and I’m here to have a good time before my ex-wife and parole officer find me

First of all: They’re assuming I value human life Second: They think I value my own life Third: They think I’ll drink. I’m going to Hell but for murder, not drinking

“You can’t apply the laws of economics to personal relationships” “THAT’S WHY YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT IN THE STOCKS GAME JIMBO”

PEOPLE AREN’T PIRATED VIDEOGAMES FROM THE 90S I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM

Homophobia was invented in the CIA in the 1960s as a way to stop lesbians from ruining their brainwashing experiments

Some people say they know what true suffering is but clearly they have never chopped parsley into fine bits

I realize that I’ll probably spiral into a horrifying abyss but that’s going to be because I murdered 7 people in Reno and not because an Uber driver got a bit too friendly