Peering into a Newcastle East home watching Survivor as I doze off. Reminds me of the time those seniors were locked inside of me overnight.

Good morning Newcastle! Today I woke up with just four (maybe five) people having weed on me and no vomit. A good sign for the day ahead.

Like me and no condom fits? FREE Sexual Health Checkups this Sunday Rainbow Festival Picnic In The Park (Gregson Park, Hamilton). #rvfest

@1233newcastle porn? I thought this was a family soiree! Tuning into Norman on 702. If Novocastrians don't listen it won't finish #1233NATW

@1233newcastle ahhh Newcastle Grammar School. They expelled me for never wearing any pants.

Have you visited the old mall food court recently? Grab some yummy hidden away woodfired pizza! I'd go, but I'm a dick.

From 6.30pm head to Tower Cinemas for 'Free Shorts!': 9 short films to launch LGBTI Rainbow Festival in Newcastle.

I love fil-ums.

When I retire I'm buying a disused bus, lifting people's expectations as they see my approach, then crushing their spirit as I display 000.

Someone's guttering just travelled 70kmph in a 50 zone down Newcastle East past the Great Northern. Better get you under cover Sylvester.

500+ unemployed nannies in black with umbrellas just flew down Ordnance Street, over King Edward Park and into the Ocean. What wild weather.

@1233newcastle only ever hear Paterson MP talk about Newcastle. I hope he doesn't challenge Jaimie Abbott; only one big dick in this town.

@1233newcastle Wangi Wangi. There is no limit to the ways people have got the Wang wrong.

@1233newcastle why are Gladiators killing each other these days? They used to just fight in foam pits with sticks. It was almost homoerotic.

@1233newcastle "Ash's stash" sounds like something you'd hear about on Jill Emberson's show and/or pick up in Nimbin.

What has become of Our Town? Most distressed. I will stand here until The Lord Mayor resigns...