How come we don't get theme music?

Saruman needs to invest in some AC bc damn son it's hot and not just bc I'm in here

Working for Sauron is like the twilight zone get me outta here

Talked to saruman about benefits and he laughed and said it's benefit enough we don't die #rude

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? It's—oh shit not the giant eagles again you guys ruined the party last time

so what's the application/interview process like for being a "good guy"? what kind of benefits are offered #theimportantquestions

Totally forgot to take pics of the White Hand Turkey of Saruman during Thanksgiving.

The blood of your foes: the only moisturizer that gets you that pale, scarred skin the ladies love.

women are always on about midriff-baring armor with a low neckline being "unreasonable" but it works pretty well for us

Just kidding. Please get us some new armor

*emerges from the depths of isengard* what's up my deformed homies

All this 'rain is cleansing' type thing is stupid. I'm getting the shite burned out of me #ihaterain

I miss Girl Scout cookies. Come on, we aren't that scary. We just want our thin mints.

@BeorntheLast no one asked you ok

okay who hid my best loincloth

You can't say you're garbage unless you live it. Learn the garbage. Date the garbage. Eat the garbage. BE the garbage.

tfw Mordor University won't accept you bc your gore point average isn't high enough #fml

hoping we get enough free candy to make up for overlord election season