Columbia University Gives Students Option To Finish Classes From Prison bit.ly/3xY3X1R

I am very happily the weak link in this crew. It's gonna be great.

So, you may have heard Ben Collins is the new CEO of The Onion! This is true, and great! But this team, championed by Jeff Lawson, is a multipronged one with strle and I also peeling this…um, Onion.

Like all good teams, we are dividing and conquering.

I promise. But if you don’t give us the dollar before going to sleep tonight you will turn into a cow slot machine in your dreams and you’ll never wake up and if you do wake up you’ll be a cow slot machine in real life.

Pitch in your $1 here:

theonion.com/give-us-1-or-t…

Over time, we’ll be introducing new products and getting into new mediums. But more than anything – this is about unleashing the creative team that’s been making you laugh for over 30 years. Letting these amazing writers do what they do best.

I can’t wait to see what you pee in…

That’s why we’re asking everybody to pitch in $1. If you care about The Onion, if the Onion ever made you laugh – give us a buck. For that dollar, you get… absolutely nothing. Just a smug sense that you’ve once again spent less on The Onion than its worth in your life.
3/4

The Onion is an institution, a national treasure, and we need it. But its success is based on something different than most media companies. The Onion has been stifled, along with most of the Internet, by byzantine cookie dialogs, paywalls, bizarro belly fat ads, and clickbait…

'The Internet sucks, and it’s time we made it better.'

Alright, the news is out.

Yes, I bought The Onion.

Why?
1/4

Extremely excited to work with this guy.

Some important updates:

The new chairman of The Onion is Jeff Lawson. He will continue to run Global Tetrahedron, as he has since its founding in 1634.

@LeilaClaire Brillson, former exec of the communist app TikTok and current Flaming Hydra writer, is our Chief Marketing Officer.…

It's true. But only if you give us $1.

theonion.com/give-us-1-or-t…

—Ben Collins, new CEO of The Onion: 'We’re keeping all the writers, we’re going to work with the union, we’re going to make it so they can hopefully get paid a little bit more money, and we’re going to give them the room to grow.' nytimes.com/2024/04/25/bus…

Give Us $1 Or ‘The Onion’ Disappears Forever bit.ly/4bbr1bF

finally some corporate values i can get behind

Ben Collins