Lee was telling me about a Filipino dish and I swear to god I thought he said jalapeño every time he said Filipino

I just spent half an hour explaining to my mother that six year olds do in fact have homework now and no the state we live in doesn't have any schools that are Laotian, Spanish, or Bulgarian based and she's still sending me texts asking questions

And it also wouldn’t make much sense for the six year old to be in a school that’s Bulgarian or Laotian based because she’s only ever really heard Spanish and English, and the teen couldn’t go to a Spanish or Laotian based school because she doesn’t often hear that even now

The six year old went out in the snow and now has decided she needs a popsicle It’s so cold, why-

If you're trying to fill out the #FAFSA online but can't because your parents don't have SSNs. There's another option: You can fill out the paper version. I just confirmed with U.S. Dept. of Ed officials. Story on FAFSA problems and fixes to come.

Dear god I’m reading the few tweets a posted while I was gone jesus

Holy shit, I’m going to be 20 soon

Let’s get into the biggest story to come out of Thailand since those cave boys. 1 million+ of tweets have been generated within the first 24 hrs alone. We are now 48 hours in and A LOT has happened. This is going to be a HIGHLIGHT thread.

I’M GOING TO GET TO LEAVE THIS GOD FORSAKEN HOSPITAL YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE

Apparently my cousin has a snake I did not know she had a snake I had a heart attack when she brought a giant fucking snake and just handed it to me

First day out of the hospital is going great 👍😭

I mean maybe-