to the tune of ‘everybody dance now’ himalayan sea salt

This is my second IN–N-OUT. #新しいプロフィール画像

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review on letterboxd because it’s just such a joy to be alive

Teaching a grey alien how to drive stick in a 1994 Mazda Miata. "I love how she corners," he remarks, "Not that dissimilar from flying an orb." I say, "You're right. You're absolutely right."

People always ask why I have ORB-KILLER on the side of my F-35. Let’s just say there are 24 spherical objects at the bottom of the Indian Ocean that will never levitate again

Vietnamese fishermen taught me how to use buddhist mind-blasting techniques to blow fish out of the water and now i use it to attack the coast guard when they try to encroach on my lakeside shrimp farm

Blackout drunk. Screaming at my family that The Grinch was radicalized by the Whos’ own Whobris. "The Earth is littered with the ruins of empires that believed they were eternal". We ‘ve learned nothing from Iraq

honestly i can’t afford to fuck around anymore. i see u little happy onion

actually what the hell, ive got a few minutes to burn

oh you think you're the smartest guy on this zoom call? then why are you eating my cursor? stop eating my cursor dumbass

Nice high beams bro do you wanna see an unregistered firearm

first recorded instance of an Akira slide performed by a non-human species

my bf works insane hours and we aren’t getting to spend a lot of time together so before we go to sleep we’ve been agreeing on a place we will try to meet in our dreams. Like i will say “under the flowering cherry tree on 74th street” and he says “week 3 of the Siege of Yorktown”

Presenting the BRAND-NEW season - Dimension 20 🎲 On a Bus! 🚌 DM'd by Katie Marovitch, and as players: Aabria Iyengar, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Jasmine Bhullar, and Mark Mercer!

dragon master is infuriating

Can Jordan correctly identify three of their friends' breast milk? Let's find out... 🤔🍼

Brennan's announcement

cars these days have too many gadgets. tried to reverse and it played a video of somebody getting run over by a car

'burnout' - me, oil on chatgpt

"no rapping tonight" why? "you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing" ok [after one beer] uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy