Siri, can you define “hoisted by your own petard”?

T-SHIRT! I WANT THIS ON A T-SHIRT FOR CHRISTMAS!

Trump - Duck correlations Donald Duck Lame Duck Duck a l'Orange What's happening?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I can help! Malls aren’t medical facilities where sick people need to go to. Daycares are open so frontline workers with kids too small to be alone can go to work. And you can’t eat with a mask on. Let me know if you have any more Qs. Cheers!

I am drawing up Articles of Impeachment. Donald J. Trump should be impeached by the House of Representatives & removed from office by the United States Senate. We can’t allow him to remain in office, it’s a matter of preserving our Republic and we need to fulfill our oath.

I love al these senators wearing masks like they weren’t first in line to get the vaccine.

#RemoveTrumpNow

Quick Q- does anyone think the DC police failed to protect the Capitol because they weren’t funded enough? #DefundThePolice

Hope Hicks resigning the day after an armed insurgence takes the Capitol and saying its unrelated is like getting on a lifeboat of the Titanic and saying it’s because you didn’t like the shrimp.

✔️

Don't let the fact that they acted disorganized and loony delude you into thinking they weren't there to hurt people and destroy democracy.

He didn’t win. He didn’t stop them. He’s never going to take you to the dance.

Happy birthday, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I hope it’s a peach.

For the boys’ birthday, my husband got a dozen moments where my life will come to a jolting halt in a blind hysterical screaming panic. I’m sorry- they’re called “balloons”

love it

Summer is my favorite season in LA, mostly because when it’s not summer here, it’s basically just summer wearing a nose and glasses.

Single girls- you know the love song you listen to on repeat when you feel alone? One day, you will listen to that same song, sitting next to the love of your life, and you'll feel so much gratitude for everything that happened to get you exactly where you are. Keep going...

It’s 2021. How do we not have remotes that beep to tell you where they are?