‘Why won’t you go out with me again?’ ‘Talking to you drives me crazy. You overexaggerate everything.’ ‘That’s a mighty big word, but totally unnecessary. See, exaggerate has no #threshold to go beyond, so going over is redundant, superfluous, and totally excessive.’ #vss365

‘Mom, this Santa guy knows if I’ve been bad or good?’ ‘That’s right, Jimmy. He sees everything you do. You need to be kind to others, clean your room, & obey your parents or you won’t get any presents.’ ‘That’s a big #challenge.’ ‘It is.’ ‘What if I just want money?’ #vss365

‘This is hilarious! Someone is putting googly eyes on statues around town.’ ‘Really?’ ‘The pictures are going viral. Totally brightens up the #monochrome artworks. I wonder who would make people laugh by doing this.’ ‘👀Yeah, I wonder 👀’ #vss365

‘Oh, no! It’s going to be 80 degrees today. You know what that means?’ ‘Our heating bill for December will be lower?’ ‘No! This is terrible. Men never understand.’ ‘What has your #drama llama brain in a tizzy this time?’ ‘I have to shave my legs!’ #vss365

‘Shhh!’ ‘How do you know it can hear us?’ ‘Just whisper, OK? We’re safe in here. Good thing I saw the #silhouette. Gave us time to get away.’ ‘How long do you think we’ll have to hide in this bathroom?’ ‘Not sure. How long do spiders live?’ #vss365

‘That looks disgusting. What is it?’ ‘Carrot juice. It’s double strained for #purity. It’s supposed to improve my vision.’ ‘Does it work?’ ‘Can’t tell much difference, actually.’ ‘Here, drink this. It’s 151 Rum. It’ll double your vision for sure.’ #vss365

‘Watching cricket? You said it was too confusing.’ ‘It is. All this running between #wickets, and trying to knock bails off stumps. Not to mention 6 runs for a long shot or 4 if it bounces.’ ‘But it’s great to watch, isn’t it?’ ‘For free beer, I can watch anything.’ #vss365

How can I blame this on the cat? #vsspic

‘It’s so nice to have a family get-together without fighting. I knew you could help promote #tranquility.’ ‘You’re right mom. Should have brought this dessert a long time ago.’ ‘Wait. You agreed with me. You never do that. Ohmigod! What did you put in those brownies?!’ #vss365

‘Oh, no! Another power failure. I’ll go find some candles.’ ‘Actually, it’s very peaceful sitting here in the dark. I’m seeing the world differently. My senses have come alive to experience new things. I can even see your cat’s eyes #glisten.’ ‘I don’t have a cat. Run!’ #vss365

‘She has too much FOMO, Mom.’ ‘What’s that?’ ‘Fear Of Missing Out. You know, a #mnemonic. Like LOL for Laughing Out Loud.’ ‘Wait, that’s what LOL means?’ ‘What did you think?’ ‘Lots Of Love. No wonder your dad got mad when he told me his mother died.’ #vss365

‘I love walking in the crisp air. Clears my head of all those bad #reflections.’ ‘Yeah, it’s a good idea to take a break from judgy family gatherings.’ ‘Like social media trolls IRL.’ ‘Buncha effin knowitalls.’ ‘Should we crash this house now?’ ‘Ooh, they look fun.’ #vss365

‘I’ve had it with your stupid dad jokes. I can’t live here any longer. Hopefully, I can get my deposit back.’ ‘That depends.’ ‘On what?’ ‘On how much you like goose #feathers.’ ‘What does that have to do with anything?’ ‘What did you think was in a down payment?’ #vss365

‘This is an #idyllic spot for a picnic. Majestic oaks. Stately pines. Clean air.’ ‘There’s ants. And sticky goo. Who knows what’s been spilt on this table. Look, there’s a pack of squirrels.’ ‘You better hide then.’ ‘Why?’ ‘They’re gathering nuts. You’re a target.’ #vss365

‘I’m tired of all this stupid division.’ ‘People seem less educated these days. It’s causing quite the #schism.’ ‘I can fix it with a protractor, a ruler, a geometry compass, and a calculator.’ ‘Oh, no! Not that!’ ‘Yes! Weapons of math instruction.’ #vss365

‘Whoa, not gonna miss that. She ran away screaming. I’ve never seen such a lack of #decorum. ‘Sorry. She seemed ok at first. Then the blood curdling shrieking started. She claimed my house is haunted by ghosts.’ ‘Really? I’ve lived here for 473 years & never seen one.’ #vss365

‘Before coffee, I hate everything. My brain craves #solitude to hide from stupid people. After, I’m way less murdery.’ ‘Totally.’ ‘It’s magic, right?’ ‘Coffee has supernatural powers for sure. Before coffee, everything sucks. Afterward, I feel the same, but shakier.’ #vss365

‘How’s the writing going?’ ‘Well, you could say I’m working as efficiently as any computer.’ ‘Sounds good. What’s with all the chocolate chip cookies?’ ‘It helps improve performance. Haven’t you seen that #prompt?’ ‘So, you haven’t written anything today, have you?’ #vss365

Hey #vss365 peeps! Happy New Year🥳🎊🥂 I’ll be posting on Bluesky from now on. I won’t be on here very much. Elon’s posts make me 🤮🤮🤮