I’m johnny knockville and you’re watching jackass

How come we can’t say “from the river to the sea” but we can say “from sea to shining sea”

Who up pissin in they wife

every time I have to do my job an angel loses its wings 🪽

s*xting at the off*ce

7 years bad luck if u don’t tell her she’s pritty

Thinking about robbing my boyfriend and leaving him in mexico

my roommates

im just a teenage squirtbag baby

my mom already broke this story

This is a direct tweet. I’m glad I never have to see terry’s nasty gargoyle lookin ass ever again

The local witches have been inviting me to their coven events, but I’m concerned about the lack of diversity I noticed at the first gathering. Kind of feels like rushing a witchy sorority.

Lights will guide you home and ignite your heart bones and I will try to fuck you

I’m predicting government disclosure event on ufo in 2025

There is a man in my yoga class who looks like McSteamy & he isn’t wearing a ring

that the devil of our age is not satanic and diabolical; he is just a flabby, mediocre creep. there’s nothing special about him and people are foolish to fall for all his tricks because they’re not very good tricks

Why did you lie about the immaculate constellation document from Jeremy Corbell Rep. Nancy Mace Nancy Mace why did you give credit to Michael Schellenberger?

Some people don't think it be like that but it do

Please stop dragging Americans through your midlife crisis Elon Musk

I am the Patron Saint / Fairy Godmother of Taurean babies, especially if they’re May Taurus. ♉️ ✨ 🌼