Sometimes in Italy you see a Prada outlet on a map and mention it to friends...then one says “did you say burrata outlet?” and you realize you’d actually prefer it was that. #needsoftcreamycheeseemoji

Can’t help but think Gordon Bombay gave the welcome speech at #WorldCup2018 and it was more “Take the fall. Act hurt. Get indignant!” than “ducks fly together!” Hope there’s a waaaambulance on-site.

It says a lot about me that when working a weekend with my team, I'm spending a not inconsequential amount of time Googling best dorm room pranks to play on them

Game day at A&M. Ew.

My “I voted” sticker is getting so much hype in the airport today. Thanks and all, but also do better young people! Nobody should be impressed that you’ve chosen to participate. Always, always #vote

This morning I taught a gaggle of people my parents' age to use Briggo Coffee in the Austin airport. They dug it. Thinking a brand ambassadorship is in order. I'll just be over here awaiting a call.

I’m now a person who brings a lumbar pillow onto the airplane sooooo Happy 70th Birthday to me! 🎉🎊

Today in Self Care: Saigon Edition, I was asked if this was my first manicure ever. So basically I’m doing great, thanks for asking.

Sweatpants without pockets, you can fuck all the way off.

I kind of love it when people think they’re listening to music through their headphones but it’s actually blaring out of their phone for all of us to enjoy.

NEW: The Texas Longhorns football team walked with APD officers to the Texas Capitol in a statement against racism today. The team and officers took a knee at the front gate of the Capitol. bit.ly/2Xwri6e

I have claimed a size 4.

When you order food and the guy says “is that all for you??” And you say no but it definitely is because you’re a baby crocodile 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

When you sign up for a Pilates class you’ve never been to before and arrive to find it full of old people, one of whom is wearing jeans 😭

When you’re cutting it close to make your flight and the driver says: “you’re not in a hurry, right?” Of course I am but more importantly, what about this changes if I’m not? Stop for pizza? Lincoln Memorial driveby? Or just like...feel less anxious?

When will we learn that post-wedding flights in the 6 AM hour are never EVER worth the cost savings??

Know what would be funny? Taking this CREAM CHEESE and making it look like slices of mozzarella, then putting it out at the snack break and watching these peasants politely vomit in their mouths -Hotel kitchen staff plating conference food #byeimded

I literally thought this was the basic thing journalists were supposed to do.... x.com/natashabertran…

Visibly pregnant woman on neighboring treadmill schooling me in a workout class: you are quite the reminder of how incredible the human body is. Not this human body clearly, but…you know…generally 💪🏼

We have not found collussion either. We did, however, find collusion. #ItsInTheDictionary dictionary.com/browse/collusi… x.com/realDonaldTrum…