I think I would remember things better if my default position weren't that it's all pretty much unimportant, anyway.

She is like a cat in the dark and then she is the darkness #FF l'Étoile Lilith

If you ever find the perfect woman, make certain to inform your wife as soon as possible.

"Where's my whiskey, you bastard!" "I drank it because you drank all my beer, bitch! Fuck off!" #LiveTweetYourNeighbor

"Why do you spend so much time with my brother, then?" "Because he fucks better than you!" #LiveTweetYourNeighbor

"You stick that thing in my face again, I'm biting it in half!" "Whatever, bitch. You hate pickles!" #LiveTweetYourNeighbor

Now they're quiet. So... they're having sex, which means a break in the fighting. Should resume in an hour or so. #LiveTweetYourNeighbor

#CelebritySexPositions The Oprah: In the middle of sex she surprises you with a gift hidden in your ass.

#CelebritySexPositions The John Travolta: All meaningful sex happens in secret inside a closet.

#CelebritySexPositions The Sam Kinison: Mostly just screaming obscenities at your partner during sex.

l'Étoile Lilith as long as he paid for dinner, it's all good

#CelebritySexPositions The Jenifer Aniston: Propose before sex. Just after sex, call off the wedding.

#CelebritySexPositions The Nick Cage: Start strong, then progressively get worse until everyone walks out.

#CelebritySexPositions The Jason Bateman: Gradually fade into oblivion until your partner forgets you're even there, or exist at all.

#CelebritySexPositions The William Shatner: Over emphasize every movement. Intersperse excessive random pauses throughout.

Poison pills Cyanide kisses Risky sex With dangerous misses Tied and bound Cat like hisses The sting of straps And fulfilled wishes.

#CelebritySexPositions The Jhonny Knoxville: Record any position that can result in severe physical injury. Don't use safety equipment.

l'Étoile Lilith Don't forget to scream "Give me all your Spock!"

Again with the pain of rejection. Tired of being people's experiment. Fuck this. Hard to tweet and cry at the same time. Back in a few days.

A lot of the time I feel like I'm simply here for people to experiment with, then throw away when they get their itch scratched.