Why are babies always gurgling with joy? Because it's a nappy time.

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one?

Mother: Did you make your bed today? Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

Where is everyone beautiful? In the dark.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et.

Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs. Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it.

Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.

What is the difference between a banana and a bell? You can only peel (peal) the banana once.

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into.

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?Cut it in half.

Knock Knock Who's there! Baby! Baby who? Baby love, my baby love....!

What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn? Where's Pop Corn?

Shall I tell you the joke about the bed? No, because it hasn't been made up yet.

What is a baby bee? A little humbug.

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.

Why do people go to bed? Because the bed won't come to them.

I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match.