It’s never too late. Jesus didn’t start his career until he was 30. But he died at 33, so also hurry up.

I can never finish anything. This one time I

Made my flight by the skin of my teeth, but I have gingivitis, so I was actually early. #blessed

If the earth is flat how do people go skiing?

Hard to believe it’s been 3 years since Elon Musk put the first men on Mars.

Whopper whopper whopper whopper Junior double triple whopper Flame grill taste with perfect toppers I want this day Lettice mayo pickle ketchup It’s ok if I don’t want that Impossible bow wow bacon whopper Any whopper my way You rule your season today At BK have it your way

The super bowl commercials have famous people

“You’re a wizard, Harry.” - hairy wizard

Marvel ripped their pants again. #antman3

Just listened to the book The Secret, and the whole thing was read in a whisper. #tweet #likeifyouevenseethistweetthankshaveagoodrestofyourday

Zero people have fooled me today. Keep trying idiots.

AI is becoming scary humanlike. GPT-4 keeps saying “we should hang out sometime” and then never texts me.

I keep trying to close out of this webpage, but it just keeps taking me to the home page.

Who was the first person to throw shit in a fan and say “Well that wasn’t good”?

You might have checkmate, but my king is ceremonial, and my prime minister escaped on one of those horses long before we started playing.

I wonder if Ben Shapiro realizes that Juggalos haven’t heard of Jewish people before. youtu.be/5kGpohEpuTE?si…

If killer mike is killer mike then I’m gonna become a rapper and change my name to The Victim’s Family.

Oh hey Jesus you’re back. Good to see you. Wait where are you going? Stop flying away. Well that was kind of a frustrating experience.

Just did my daily sun stare, and something seems off…

Don’t the Amazon drivers know it’s Labor Day? #soconfused