Sometimes you wake up at 2am and start thinking about how you should buy a headlamp so your blind ass can start doing puzzles

I woke up late at 624, was out the door by 650 to drop the dog at daycare, and still managed to miss the bus scheduled at 707 because it came at 705. You win some, you lose some.

Am I suddenly going to LA for 24 hours just so I can go to Never Not Funny Pardcastathon? Yes I am. I thought flying there was easier than publicly begging to be Garon Cockrell for the day (again) at Rosemont, Jimmy Pardo. I am also coming alone, no trolling for a date on Tinder

Jumping to conclusions is my favorite form of cardio.

Buckle up, friends.

Went to the PCP today, said I was concerned about my mounting hatred for humanity, walked out with Prozac. Efficient!

Listen someone just texted me to ask if I wanted to go to a Pitbull concert and I really really need to work harder on my branding

People that say audiobooks don’t count as reading are idiots

Dear people with reactive dogs: it is your job to keep your dog away from my perfect angel baby. Saying ‘I wish you wouldn’t have come this way’ to me is not the way.

Baby’s first drag brunch was a success

I’m going to my very first drag brunch today. Will it be too loud for me? I mean, probably.

So Mike Birbiglia remains one of my favorite comedians and he’s always a delight live but…why do other people have to be at the show? Humanity is exhausting. It was worth it though!

I hate being hot but I’m also very sick of wearing a coat. I like to live my life in that in between zone, like the fickle bitch that I am. So when’s that starting?

I am leaving my house this evening and tomorrow for brunch. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.