My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.

You know what is the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks.

I :) am :) so :) stressed :) about :) everything :)

Having fun playing CSR Racing for Android, why not join me for FREE? nmgam.es/csrandroid_inv…

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.

I asked my gf what she wanted for her birthday, and she replied "Nothing would make me happier than diamonds." So I got her "Nothing".

In China, you name your child after the sound you hear by dropping silverwear down the stairs

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

Dankie vir die beste 1jaar van my lewe, jy is die mees wonderlikste mens wat ek ken en oulik as hell! Lief jou bje skat mwah Nicole Burger

Hoe draai geluk in n haatspraak in? Kan net lag!!!