Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be 'not ugly' when you can't have facial hair or wear makeup? We are the few. We are the proud. We are the kinda ugly.

We used to say, "Our grandkids are gonna be fucked". Now we say, "Our kids are gonna be fucked". It's all a lot closer than you think.

I now have a lot in common with Jason Mamoa.Jason Momoa

Stop making fun of Pete Davidson. He's gonna make ugly people be in style and that helps all of us asymmetrical cavemen.

This is why nobody takes white people seriously unless they are billionaires White people - You're a good egg! not cool. Black People - You a real one super cool

Our brilliant and beautiful HR lady is leaving us after today and I need advice. She's been going around giving out hugs so should I let her know before, or wait for the hug to whisper in her ear asking for a lock of hair? I don't want to be inappropriate.

Somebody please check on Dolly Parton!

What's my skin care routine? Sometimes in the shower, when I rinse the shampoo from my hair I let it run down the FRONT of my head.

I have never misspelled A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G But I have misspelled a lot of other words.

Doing the moonwalk is not really a big deal. I can do it backward.

This guy at work kept asking women if they needed plowed and they all just said yes without hesitation. I don't know what cologne he is wearing, but I want some.

Calm down AT&T You're spamming me because I "like" your ads, but it's really just Lily. She could be selling jars of ebola. It has nothing to do with cell phones.

open.spotify.com/episode/7rsmml…

The easiest way to confuse someone is to just walk up to them and say, "sorry about the confusion" and then walk away.

So we're all just going to go on with our lives without even asking how in the actual fuck, a record player works!?

I hate that being very witty and charming has become a red flag. I'm shit at fighting! All I have is charm and wit!!!!

I just found out that if you feed a moose, it may attack the next person it encounters. I also learned, always feed a moose right before your enemy does.

I'm starting to worry that people don't know that the Little Mermaid isn't even real. And how many people have drown, trying to shag Ariel? We'll never know.

MGK can kinda do it all. He can kinda rap He can kinda act He can kinda sing. There's nothing he can't kinda do. #mgk

Say what you will about Jeffrey Dahmer, the dude had a lot of heart. ❣️🔪🍛