What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?  Envelope.

How do you count cows? With a cowculator.

Can February march? No, but April may.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.

Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.

😂

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.

If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.

If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.

I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.

My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

When you fall, I’ll be there to catch you with love. Sincerely, the floor.

I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow 😬

My favorite collection of short funny quotes in one page: sourcesofhappiness.com/ijokes/

بإمكان مستخدمي الآيفون الآن تنزيل تطبيق العاب جوال. apps.apple.com/app/%D8%A3%D9%…

This simple merger game is so addictive 🤦🏻‍♂️ apps.apple.com/us/app/fruit-m…