People always say don’t wish the time away about your kids but I really, really need to fast forward to a time where saying “no you’re not allowed to bite me” doesn’t cause a catastrophic meltdown

I’ve become a “roll on the winter” dickhead and I’m not even arsed, absolutely fucking unbearable this heat

Big fan of this

Oh look once again the internet is full of people who think every single crime big or small deserves a 20 year+ sentence

First bottomless brunch in about 3 years tomorrow and it’s sodding raining

Right, tell me why we’re discussing potential funeral songs, I mention I like “A Little Respect” by Erasure and then 5 minutes later it comes on in the pub. Who is trying to kill me

Why do Sky Sports show the Leeds/Derby 2019 play-off game at least 3 times a week

I actually hate myself because I’ve got the fledglings of a little side hustle going on and yet I can’t be bothered to set up a proper page and promote it so I just keep selling on Vinted and getting offered £7 for something that took me 3 hours to make

Me approx 4 mins ago: He always scores against us does that Billing

Probably a bit late to the party here but just finished Big Dunc’s autobiography, by far the best one I’ve ever read. Definitely recommend listening to the audiobook if you can. What a guy 💙

Test print on my new thermal printer 😆

A great day to be both an Evertonian and a Swiftie

😳

This is fucking rotten this, embarrassing to watch

Be nothing short of a miracle if we get to half time without conceding

Conceding a penalty because Tarkowski *checks notes* can’t simply detach his arm

You spend all summer missing them and then as soon as they come back you realise how much happier you are without them