A haiku for your Tuesday: i think i just peed on my leather gloves at work ah frick, yes, i did,

I swiped left on a guy because he had transition lenses

Apparently I'm going to start helping interview people for internships at work LOL so anyway I should probably change my twitter handle. Plz hit me with ideas that are ~definitely not Hannah~

My butt turns into a little trumpet every day after lunch. Toot toot toot

Brainstorming ways that i can live tweet my upcoming mental breakdown in a way that 1. does not raise concern 🥰 2. is relatable ? 🤔 3. can be monetized ?? 💰 🤑

I peed behind a tree at work today and straight up got my butthole probed by by this kind or briar stem :(

I tore a hole in my favorite pair of undies which means that i can only keep wearing them for another 2 years before i finally retire them to the back of my sock drawer, move a few times with them, and eventually throw them away in like 5 years

I have some friends coming over tomorrow after work. Might leave my retirement fund mail on the counter so they know that I've become a full blown Adult™ in this past year

The guy i had a crush on my sophomore year of college just got engaged. thinkin' I might remove him as a friend on facebook

The biggest covid silver lining is that i didn't even have to think about skipping my 5 year high school reunion

Happy anniversary to me, hope the catholic church doesn't excommunicate me :)

Periodically cleaning the mold out of the lid of my nalgene really keeps me aware of the passage of time

POV: you’re my neighbor watching me through my kitchen window as i put ketchup on a cheese stick and eat it

My roommate and i started sharing our milk and now I can’t drink out of the jug anymore :/

This is my favorite compliment I’ve ever received

Be kind to people, here’s some small compliments to help your friends get through their day: 1 - you look especially great today! 2 - oh you can drive stick that’s cool 3 - damn Mike these deviled eggs are REALLY good

Called the tech desk at work because my email wouldn’t refresh and i couldn’t see any emails since Thursday. found out it was updated and i just didn’t get any emails #humbling 😌 ♥️