Does anyone other than Donald J. Trump use Twitter anymore? Asking for a friend.

A friend posted a blonde joke on my FB wall because I haven't posted one in a while. I've avoided it because, in the current social environment, I don't know whether that's OK. I'm not sure why I'm worried, though; the blondes won't know the difference.

Actual footage of morning coffee with my wife.

Also, my ass is literally chapped. Now I'm not saying it's because of your policy belly-achin'. I'm just saying it's a helluva coincidence.

Oh no. I'm standing in line to vote. I'm being suppressed. Help! Help! I'm being suppressed!

#StopChildLabor x.com/JimGaffigan/st…

BTW, that last tweet was not for the children. We can"t have those little rug rats scorching our precious bacon.

Check it out. x.com/gaffiganshow/s…

Our roommate moved out, my wife is playing tennis, and her sister left the house. That weird sound is people not talking. #soundsofsilence

Me: I picked up Take-n-Bake. Her: Me: You know; we can have pizza. Her: Me: ...and wine. Her: Her spiritual journey does not embrace pizza.

At least she's only concerned with portion size. Imagine that look every time you open your mouth. #TheLook x.com/JimGaffigan/st…

And then there's this: facebook.com/notes/guy-oliv…

Completed another installment of "A Life That Mattered" Have a look. guyoliverspeaks.com/the-shackles-o…

Here's the final installment of Chapter 6 "A Life That Mattered" Stay tuned. guyoliverspeaks.com/the-shackles-o…

This band is definitely worth seeing. If you're not familiar, get familiar. x.com/scottlaningham…

Guy Oliver thanks for the TresMusicos plug, Guy. Come hang with us at the Elephant Room happy hour Aug 25.

Just finished chapter 7 of my current book project, "A Life That Mattered." Let me know what you think. guyoliverspeaks.com/interlude-ii-c…

I'd love to hear from you.

@shesists Kate Brew It also allows us to do research while writing a murder mystery without becoming suspects of an actual murder, so, you know...

It's 10:00 and I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted. I haven't done that since I was 10. I blame the solar eclipse.