Gleefully riding a jet ski while my less fortunate friends watch from shore. They will not be getting a turn

I got my health insurance from Amazon Basics

People like to question my view that I cured myself of autism.

Everyone has that one friend who’s chill af as long as you don’t make any sudden movements

Tbh you seem cool but I know a dark secret that would tear your family apart. Rate: 7/10 ✌️

I’m a caveman and this is mediocre at best

Filter feeding hits different when you are a freakin clam

In the future dogs will chew on high tech bones

Butts against the current, throwing it back ceaselessly with that ass -The Great Gyatsby

Stewie might be book smart but he has a lot to learn about kindness

Nice

This account is now over. Thank you for your time

Bro can I sit up front with you? I promise to buckle up and shit

Watching youtube videos at 2x speed is actually quite easy for me due to my extremely high intelligence

I’m gonna feed you to my giant venus fly trap

CEO: our new publishing company needs a name. Any ideas? Me: *holds up spork* yeah I have one xD

I just crushed a human skull into dust with my bare hand