I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. #myfirsttweeter

My daughter just poured a whole ass gallon of milk on the floor while I was trying to shit. #fuck

After long years of hard work, dedication, and a lot of thinking I have finally made a decision in my life and moved on it. It has taken me a long time to get here but I have finally made the jump. I just ordered 6 fanny packs off Amazon. Thank you all for your support.

I got hammered last night, woke up at 2 am, drank 3/4 of a gallon of apple juice, and almost evacuated my bowels in our bed ten minutes ago. I regret nothing. Mind your business. #fuck #noregrets #fiber #applejuice #twittergod #yourmom

I have absolutely no clue why I even chew up corn. Always comes out “put back together” #corn

Google elephant snack. Happy Sunday. #elephantsnack

Just ate two gummies and a pint of huny bun ice cream. #ibelieveicanfly

Y’all are nasty. Thanks for coming though. Please hit that follow button. #feet

Sup fuckers

Mom’s Christmas cards are lit.