the most unsurprising reveal of this week’s White Lotus ep is that Jack is a West Ham fan

fig newtons… underrated

pulled a muscle doing a bit mashing the potatoes. merry christmas

i made some pretty colossal mistakes this year so i’m genuinely so happy they all fall out of my brain at midnight, phew

me on my couch at every needle drop in Last Chance U: Basketball when you know they’re about to take over the game

i just need everyone successful to please turn 30

it’s been raining a lot, so

it happened to me: i saw jeremy allen white in public and resisted the urge to whisper, “yes, chef” when we made eye contact

is it too late to be somebody else

having an annoying personality on twitter is such an unforced error

sorry but when you say buccal i hear bukkake

we don’t eat enough rice crispy treats

wow, yet another day that my dog hasn’t brought me breakfast in bed

do i miss lava lamps?

why are they wrong in the head but right in the bed, every damn time

i have spent 45 mins googling if GloRilla and Shaq ever actually dated. still couldn’t tell you

life is fuckin' weird and hard.

instant turnoff: he’s into minions

it should be illegal to run into your neighbors when you’re stoned

my toxic trait is that i think i understand every enigmatic athlete better than anyone ever has