Your future wife is in bed being gorgeous and dying of allergies (me)

Life is hard for a teenage girl in her thirties

I reject classism until it’s time for me to feel like God’s favorite when I’m walking through Global Entry

Gay the pray away

I can’t believe you’d treat me like this, I have been nothing but a menace to you

Manslaughter is a crime because men are not funny

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, shame on me. I have ADHD and forget everything

It’s like you don’t even respect how much effort it takes to be this beautiful and mentally ill

IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST that’s completely fine and understandable because I can’t either

For Halloween imma be his worst nightmare

Checking “Remember Me” on websites being acutely aware it’s the only time I’m brave enough to ask someone to 🥺🥺🥺

No babe I love your hauntingly negative outlook and your ghoulish disorders

Ur honor are u mad at me? 🥺🥺🥺

When I die I want my body donated to an “Is It Cake?” episode

Every room’s a rage room when I show up

Going around: WHEEEE Coming around: Aw fuck

I just came back from Mexico and I did not have one single taco.