Just setting up my Twitter. #myfirstTweet

wow

I am drinker. Hear me pour. @TheEwanEllis

Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?

The word tag is confusing. It can mean spray paint or touch someone & they're it. Either way, there's a purple kid in my neighborhood now

After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I'm like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle.

[on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya

You know that one cow in the field that's like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That's me. I am that cow.

My cab driver just described Seattle as "Not that horrible of a place." Get that guy a job on the tourism board.

[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow.

What idiot decided to call it chewing tobacco instead of chewbacca?

[wife enters as I'm doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It's not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!

Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.

Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7.

He's got a new video out tonight!!!

Have you watched our friend @TheEwanEllis' video yet? Spot the Ushiwear t-shirt and box! Ewan Ellis youtu.be/V6Ggf_eiTsw via YouTube