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I wish Superman had come out in theatres at the same time as Oppenheimer so that everybody would be saying "Superheimer."

I think I have a bleeding ulcer in my stomach. Will a few shots of whiskey numb the pain?

.Ghostofwatanabe???

I will let you guys in on a little secret. My REAL name is Eduardo Fudge. I am undocumented, which is why I use a fake name on Twitter. I am so afraid that ICE will send me and mi madre back to Venezuela. :-(

I'd put the "cock" in "Milly Alcock," if you catch my drift.

Happy SUNDAY THE 13TH!!! 🔪

When I tried marijuana once

Sinners is basically the black version of From Dusk Til Dawn.

Why not Jupiter instead of Mars??? It's bigger, so it could hold more people. This is why you should hire me, Elon. I'm an idea man.

Would be cool to post a tweet saying, "I have the Epstein list. I will send it to EVERY major news outlet tomorrow! I am being followed by the CIA and FBI. I am NOT suicidal. If anything happens to me, it is the government!" And then the next morning, just secretly kill yourself.

We all do.

They call me the "White Mamba of Twitter." It gets pretty exhausting, to be honest. A man can only send so many dick pics out in one day. And yet these goddamn women will NOT stop asking me for one. 😟

I've been listening to country music all evening, and I have to say, I used to think that country music sucked. But now....I think that country music REALLY sucks.

The fatigue is real.

Jennifer Love Hewitt? More like Jennifer Loves To Eat, amirite???

Yes.

I need to find me a nice, undocumented Mexican woman to settle down and make anchor babies with.