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I spend two Centuries harrumphing about the Decline of Morals in London’s Coffee-Houses, only to be usurp’d by the Composer of Exit Planet DUST

Three centuries after my actual Birth, I am now present at the Inception of the #FollowBackProKardashian Movement

Hear ye, pray follow The Johnson Society, a far worthier Keeper of my Legacy than this Account, albeit with fewer Aphorisms about Laudanum & Peter ANDRE

Don’t miss the return of Henry Hitchings on Saturday 28th March for his talk titled ‘Why Samuel Johnson still matters’. The once-president of the Johnson society will be exploring Johnson’s relevance in the 21st century through insightful commentary. lichfieldliteraturefestival.org/event/henry-hi…

Hastening to the Cooper to buy sufficient Barrels wherein to store my Surfeit of Crude Oil. Should it prove less lucrative a Commodity than Dutch Tulip-Bulbs, I shall use it as an EMBROCATION ‘gainst the Chinese AGUE, or sell burning Torches unto the End The Lockdown MOB.

If the true Purpose of preserving discreditable Statues is for the Instruction of History, then the most learned of God's Creatures would be the PIGEON

I hereby denounce the lurid Conspiracy that claims Sir Francis BACON was the Author of SHAKESPEARE'S Works; for their true Scribe is Mister Mark FRANCOIS

* Passes TORCH unto the next Generation *

Mister TRUMP may be a hastily-varnish'd DESPOT, but he does compose his Tweets like I do

My fellow Writer has Spoken.

Henceforth, "We were most profound Politicians" shall be the approv'd Euphemism to describe a Conversation fuel'd by five Bottles of CLARET. Mister BOSWELL is now ABED, seeking Shelter 'neath his Duvet, reviv'd with a Tincture of Lucozade SPORT.

Am I an Impersonation? A Parody? A TRIBUTE-ACT? 'Tis almost as if Twitter does encompass greater Variety than the petulant Cosmos-Botherer Mister MUSK can comprehend.

If that Dog dares lay a Cable of Hound-Rope under my belov'd Willow, I shall take it up with Mister BRATBY & Dr. RUBERY

Is this the End? I did not enjoy my first Death by Stroke in 1783; I take no more pleasure in my impending second Demise by Keystroke at the Whim of emerald-engorg'd Despot Mister Elon MUSK.

The kindest Thing one may say of Battery-Power'd Brigand Mister MUSK is that he is merely Mister Basil FAWLTY at a planetary Scale, belatedly discovering that hosting Guests & motivating Workers may not be his God-giv'n Callling...