Nice of Renee Zellweger to climb out her crypt.

Why did Renee Zellweger decide to sew her eyes shut?

Word, Kirk. Word.

Fitting they had Travolta enter the stage from to giant closet doors.

Kudos to Borat for leaving his pecker in his pants during that performance. #Oscars

"I'm not angry. Why would I be angry?" - girls who are angry

New Pope is having a hard time getting rid of Old Pope Smell.

I am woman, hear me overthink every little damn thing. Roar.

If you love someone, set them free. Or just stalk them on all social networks and cry yourself to sleep each night. Or whatever.

Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning. they've already tea-bagged your iced coffee.

So I cook him breakfast and all he has to say is "how did you get into my house?" What's with that?

Traffic Cone or Snooki? -- Short, orange, and nobody really cares if you run it over.

For my tombstone: "Failed to forward that chain letter to 7 friends" (Nick Mendoza)

"Give us money just in case anything happens, and when something does happen we will call you a liar" -Insurance

Ben Affleck's Dahk Knight roams Gawthum in the Bat-cah looking for the Riddlah

The line between classy and trashy is the perforated line on your stalls toilet paper

Black dudes named Tom haaaaaate having nephews and nieces

I'm gonna get lucky and take home this XBOX One console. bit.ly/1cltpsY

#EsuranceSave30

Seriously Aaron Rodgers whats the deal with you bailing on Sports Spectacular ??