Pretty amazing to say "we did everything we could" when our test and trace system involving us spending billions on a cat called Alvin who walked around town centres with a sign around his neck that said "has anyone got COVID".

me, jumping out of time machine: surprise, all the things you once enjoyed will be tarnished by the shitty actions of the white men who made them past me: what, all of them? me: uh looks like Mario’s safe as far as we know i guess?

Me: *does one whole shift doing nothing more strenuous than filling some bottles and putting stickers on boxes* My muscles: wtf stop this what’s wrong with you

undercover police officers in UK do not, SHOCKINGLY, have the best record when it comes to not being shitty to women en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/UK_underc…

Sympathetic Police Know What It’s Like To Have A Bad Day And Kill 8 People bit.ly/3ePnMwT

April Fools is done forever, replaced by Toshiro Mifune Day

Playing on a low difficulty level is fine actually

made carbonara without fucking it up, following up by retiring from making carbonara to forever preserve my perfect record

a teacher with the same surname as me but to whom i am not related called me “son” onstage during an assembly the entire school was attending

This you?

bought a thing in person from somewhere other than a supermarket, what a fucking rush

an email back about working in events planning got spam filtered and i didn’t catch it until waaayy too late

…that’s why it’s the most-followed Twitter account in IT security

Started Mass Effect, got past Therum and Noveria and thought “i remember this taking longer” immediately followed by “where did the sun go?”

me, going into a Saturday service:

I want something fruity

x.com/GailSimone/sta…

it me