Thinking about getting into tik tok

oh great, is this one of those hotels where I can check out anytime I like but never leave

It’s 2057. You’re in a dark 4D DolbyIMAX+ movie theater. The greatest movie you’ve ever seen just ended. The credits roll and they just say “lmao yooo who did this??”

I prefer to microdose air travel (flying from airport to airport, gradually getting closer to my destination over a period of 3-4 years)

Just fixed a door #imagine

I was a major league hitting coach for several years just by saying stuff like “put the bat on the ball” and “if you see it, hit it”

My face when I’m making sure to fill in the entire circle next to Harris on the ballot

Some bar, somewhere, is going to feel the heat tonight…

“We saw you from across the bar…”

hope nobody’s done this one yet!

Shout out to my 6 different friend groups

They should do an Aliens type sequel to The Thing but call it “A Thing.” How’s everyone doing by the way

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

Wow, I joined social media website “X” 11 years ago. How time flies when you’re using “X”

Always wondered what they were gesturing at

The month of May? At this rate it’s looking like the month of Might

Can’t believe I’m getting married to Taylor Swift

“Aaron, it’s Marvin… your cousin MARVIN Sorkin?”

The male urge to build a bone temple

Thanksgiving’s kind of crazy when you think about it