For anyone who has ever tangled with an elevator, my new one in McSweeney's is for you mcsweeneys.net/articles/our-e…

"I’m a Gourmet Pepper Mill Who Doesn’t Belong at This Thanksgiving Dinner" Essential #Thanksgiving 🦃 reading c/o Points in Case! pointsincase.com/articles/im-a-…

“We’re talking 100% pure New Zealand Whey. I just snorted some off the 70-pound dumbbell I keep in my backpack for on-the-go full-body workouts. You want a pump bump?” Bit of bro humor for Points in Case pointsincase.com/articles/are-y…

How Every Recipe on The Great British Baking Show Sounds to Us Die-Hard American Viewers mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-e…

This year let’s have a nice, relaxing, low-key New Year’s Eve orgy. Would it be so wrong to bring back the simple holesome group sex fun of yesteryear? pointsincase.com/articles/this-… David Henne

Big news for my brand c/o Points in Case! After four decades under tight copyright protection, I, David R. Henne, am entering the public domain. “This Year I Finally Enter The Public Domain” pointsincase.com/articles/this-…

Yes hello lovers please enjoy my latest for Points in Case pointsincase.com/articles/a-cus…

“Mr. Holmes, I apologize for the lateness of the hour,” she said, entering the study. “But I have in my possession a deep reservoir of text messages, and I can not tell if they are intended to be of a flirtatious nature.” mcsweeneys.net/articles/sherl…

Sneak peek of my forthcoming book (with wonderful illustrations by Liana Finck!)

George was silent. Lennie said, "George." "Yeah?" "I ate another bad thing." "Lemme guess, chicken nuggets." George said, and he fell silent again. mcsweeneys.net/articles/of-mi…

“Go on, George. Ain’t you gonna give me no more hell? On accounta microplastics in nuggies erodin’ my cognitive function?” My latest for McSweeney's: mcsweeneys.net/articles/of-mi…

One of the coolest moments of the semester so far: hosting Firing Line with Margaret Hoover inside our school's Studio A to film two episodes, and getting the opportunity to assist the PBS production alongside their amazing team & our own Hofstra University students.🤩

When do you call the person you're dating "babe"? I am releasing my research today on McSweeney's mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-b…

"Yes, Mr. Douglas, I’ll have that client pitch completed by EOH. Yes, sir, at the end of the hour. Also, I quit. Thank you for all the mentorship and guidance you’ve bestowed upon me these last 120 minutes. Goodbye." mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-…

"I have hundreds of micro-recommendations from hundreds of former employers. I’ve picked up a thousand fractions of on-the-job skills from countless Fortune 500 companies’ new employee orientations." Padding the resume with my latest for McSweeney's! mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-…

"Fatherhood. One of the great joys of a man’s life, second only to secret fatherhood. Unfortunately, due to the high cost of living, I fear I may never get the chance to start a second family." mcsweeneys.net/articles/at-th…

Proud father of a new McSweeney's piece (weight: 500 words): “Frankly, it’s unconstitutional that rampant inflation is keeping me from achieving paternal inflation.” mcsweeneys.net/articles/at-th…

"Of all the dine-in spectacles—it’s as though some hooligan committed to a single bite and vanished!" Essential reading for all those who have stumbled upon unclaimed sandwiches, via Points in Case. pointsincase.com/articles/atten…

I am so flipping excited to be back in The New Yorker Humor! Sharing my super strict, highly regimented morning routine.  newyorker.com/humor/shouts-m…

“Who needs friends when you have man’s best friend? Intrusive thoughts.” New piece for Points in Case. No, but I really do prefer being alone—unless, why, you wanna do something? pointsincase.com/articles/i-hon…