me: wow fuck u bitch this the last time you'll hear from me stg me two mins later:

*on top of a mountain* me: wow what a view me to me: jump

Me: I need to stop buying so much makeup. I need to save my money. Me to me: If you go to Ulta you can use your points.

me: oh damn, the light is yellow now. i can't make it me to me: run it. me: but it's almost r- me to me: I. SAID. RUN. IT

Me: Stop saying lit Inner me: It's lit

Me: They said to be ready in 20, I need to get ready Inner me: You'll be ready in 5 take a nap

Me: He's a good guy that's genuinely interested in you. Give him a chance Inner me: Stop replying

Me: I hope 2017 is good to me Inner me: We went through this last year

me: i should pay more attention to her me to me: piss her off on purpose so she says goodnight at 6pm & you can play video games in peace

me: I need to get ready *1hour later* me to me: I need to get ready

Dog: every time I bark at the doorbell everyone gets mad at me Dog to dog: but what if this time it's a murderer

me: its cold outside I should close my jacket inner me: keep it open so everyone can see your outfit me: but its co inner me: the outfit

Me: I have so much work to do Inner me: Nap

Me: "he's really into the movie rn though" Also me: "RUB YOUR ASS ON HIS FUCKING DICK"

me: a kind, cute, smart boy likes you inner me: fuck that up and get yourself a fuckboy

Me: I should really start my essay Me to Me: One more episode

Me: I'm not competitive Inner Me: fucking destroy them

Me: time to get up and go to work Inner Me: fuck that, call in sick

*toddler hits me* me: don't hit him back, he's just a kid mnner me: punt him.

me: i need to start being productive me to me: take a buzzfeed quiz, u need to find out which household appliance describes ur personality